Healing CPTSD & Doing Shadow Work: How I Faced My Inner World and Set Myself Free
Healing CPTSD and shadow work isn’t a neat, linear journey — it’s a slow peeling back of everything you were taught to hide.
I didn’t know I had CPTSD.
I just knew I was exhausted, reactive, dissociated, and constantly afraid of abandonment.
I blamed myself for being “too much” or “too broken.”
But the truth is — I was carrying trauma that wasn’t mine to begin with.
Shadow work helped me see that my anger wasn’t evil. My sadness wasn’t weakness.
They were unspoken truths buried under survival.
CPTSD made me feel fragmented, like I was living with ghosts.
Shadow work gave those ghosts a voice.
I started writing letters to the parts of me I hated.
I sat with my shame instead of running from it.
I let my inner child say the things she never could.
And slowly, the fear stopped running my life.
This wasn’t overnight. But with every journal entry, tear, or breathwork session — I came back to myself.
Healing CPTSD and shadow work taught me one sacred truth:
You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be whole.
And wholeness includes every part of you — even the ones you were told to hide.
What Is CPTSD (And Why It’s So Often Missed)?
CPTSD = Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
It’s not just “something bad happened.”
It’s when:
You were emotionally neglected for years
You had to be the adult as a child
You were constantly criticized, shamed, or made to feel invisible
Your nervous system never learned what safety feels like
It’s why:
You freeze in conversations
You overthink every reply
You people-please till you’re numb
You can’t relax, even in silence
What Is Shadow Work?
Shadow work = facing the parts of you you were taught to hide.
The:
Rage
Jealousy
Neediness
Anger at your parents
Sexuality
Desperation to be loved
It’s not about becoming “better.”
It’s about becoming whole.
The Symptoms I Carried for 30+ Years
I didn’t know it was trauma.
I thought I was:
“Too sensitive”
“Too emotional”
“Just bad at relationships”
But I was:
Scared of abandonment
Hyper-aware of tone shifts
Shutting down when things felt too good
Angry and ashamed at once
Triggered by being ignored or told “relax”
I thought I needed to be fixed.
But I needed to be seen.
Healing CPTSD and Shadow Work: How I Started Reclaiming My Life
My Shadow Work Journey (As Someone With CPTSD)
Shadow work with CPTSD is different.
It’s not journaling prompts and moon rituals. It’s raw survival becoming self-compassion.
Here’s how it really looked for me:
1. I Admitted I Was Angry At the People I Loved
I let myself say it:
“I’m angry my mother didn’t protect me.”
“I’m furious I had to grow up so fast.”
“I’m tired of being the ‘strong one.’”
Letting myself feel that didn’t make me bad.
It made me real. And that started the healing.
2. I Let Myself Be Ugly
I cried in front of mirrors.
I screamed into pillows.
I wrote letters I never sent.
I whispered:
“I don’t want to be the nice one today.”
Shadow work means not performing.
It means holding your shame and saying:
“I still choose you.”
3. I Stopped Fixing — And Started Feeling
CPTSD made me a hyper-fixer.
I needed everything to be “okay” or I felt unsafe.
Shadow work taught me:
To sit in discomfort
To hold space for tension
To not rush forgiveness
To feel rage without hurting myself
I now say:
“This hurts. I’m staying anyway.”
4. I Used My Body As My Anchor
My brain lied a lot.
My body didn’t.
I started:
Rubbing my arms when I felt triggered
Lying on the floor and breathing into my gut
Shaking out panic instead of suppressing it
Taking slow, hot showers with no purpose but comfort
Your body holds truth before words do.
Shadow work means letting your body finally exhale.
5. I Gave Myself What I Was Denied
I say “I love you” to myself every night
I let myself rest without earning it
I buy myself small gifts and say “you deserve this”
I parent myself the way no one did
That’s reparenting. That’s shadow alchemy.
That’s how you rebuild what never was.
Healing CPTSD and Shadow Work – What Actually Helped Me
| Practice | Why It Worked |
|---|---|
| Mirror Talk | Confronted shame + self-hatred |
| Inner Child Letters | Released resentment safely |
| Grounding (barefoot, oil massage) | Regulated nervous system |
| Saying “No” | Reclaimed power + boundaries |
| Expressing Anger Creatively | Prevented implosion |
You don’t need a fancy workbook.
You need your truth — and a place to put it.
My Weekly Healing Flow
| Day | Practice |
|---|---|
| Monday | Sit with anger. Write the real letter. |
| Tuesday | Mirror gaze + say “I’m not too much.” |
| Wednesday | Touch ground + hum when triggered |
| Thursday | Rest on purpose. No guilt. |
| Friday | Reparent: gift yourself something small |
| Saturday | Move emotion: cry, shake, dance, scream |
| Sunday | Write to your 10-year-old self |
Healing CPTSD and shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself — it’s about finally seeing yourself with honesty and compassion.
For years, I tried to escape my triggers, numb my feelings, and “stay strong” by avoiding my past.
But the deeper I went into healing CPTSD and shadow work, the more I realized: my symptoms weren’t the problem.
They were signals from the parts of me that had been silenced.
Through journaling, breathwork, and inner child dialogues, I began to release shame and reclaim safety.
This process isn’t perfect, but it’s powerful — and it’s how I’m learning to live again.
I used to think healing was about forgetting. But healing CPTSD and shadow work taught me it’s about remembering — and re-loving the parts I abandoned.
This path isn’t linear. Some days I feel strong, other days I collapse into grief I thought I’d buried.
But I no longer fear my emotions.
That shift began the moment I committed to healing CPTSD and shadow work with truth, not shame.
It’s the reason I set boundaries now.
It’s the reason I speak gently to my younger self.
Every time I show up for the part of me that once felt invisible, I rebuild trust within.
That’s what healing CPTSD and shadow work truly is — a return to self.
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